Perhaps the most well researched drinking story I’ve ever written, this turned out quite nicely, in my humble opinion. More than anything, I hope it proves helpful to other curious drinkers, like myself, who’ve always wondered about scotch but didn’t know where to start. Folks, this is your cheat-sheet. Use it.

I’ve since been invited on a trip to Scotland, which I had to turn down (ugggggghhh)…because I’m already missing a week of teaching to travel on a gin trip to England (yaaaaay!). That’s not till April, but meanwhile I need to catch up on more recent travels, to the Bourbon capital of the world, and a little jaunt up to Canada to learn about ice wine. Both were incredible, too-short trips that will soon be documented here. Promise.

That said, I a have scotch update. After tasting approximately 50 different scotch whiskys (there were a few late-comers after the big tasting), there were several clear stand-outs. Thirteen, to be precise. Which goes against everything I know (superstition, namely), but so be it. That’s the number I came up with.

During the tasting, I had everyone take notes on a large sheet of packing paper like this:

…and there was some pretty great commentary — especially toward the end of our tasting, when the writing becomes less legible/more sassy. Among the highlights:

“Soccer-mom scotch, for the soccer mom who might get a yellow card from the sidelines.” (Auchentoshen 12-year)

“Wooden ships; viking.” (Lagavulin 12-year)

“Tastes like $; make it rain.” (Macallan 12-year)

“Tastes of rubies.” (Glenlivet 25-year)

“Golf tan.” (Oban 14-year)

“Like my grandfather’s after-shave.” (Balblair 1997)

The finished article (minus non-Tribune-appropriate commentary) will run in a few weeks in the Chicago Tribune, but meanwhile here’s a sneak-peek of the winning bottles:

…and now that there are 50 bottles of scotch in the house, it’s probably time to update the home bar inventory.

After all of the samples arrived, the count exceeded 50 expressions — obviously way too many to try in one sitting, and unnecessary considering the goal: The resulting article will focus very generally on Scottish single-malt whisky available to Chicagoans and will possibly be syndicated nationally, which means that none of the limited-edition whiskys or out-of-production stuff (a few of which had been collecting dust at my cubicle for a few years) would be of use.

Throwing those out, I was left with an even 40 — still an unrecommended number, but my tasting panel (10 folks total) managed to weed a few out along the way by pure exhaustion.

In order not to kill everyone, I wanted to feed them all night long — which proved to be almost as complicated a process as the tasting itself. I couldn’t find a single, legit article on scotch-paired dinners, and so many blogs contradicted each other. All I was able to glean were some basics according to region: salty/mild for Lowlands, sweet and/or meat for Highlands, etc. I wound up seeking some professional guidance in Aaron Sherman, the sommelier at NoMI at the Park Hyatt (if you’ve been, you know: it’s a force to be reckoned with), who helped steer me toward some tangible edibles to keep the evening moving along. Thanks, Aaron!

Based on my own research and Aaron’s suggestions, this is how I organized my 40-scotch tasting:

Lowlands — mild/salty pairing
Smoked trout, creme fraiche & pickled onion
Olives (green, Kalmata, Nicoise)
Salted almonds
-
Auchentoshan Classic
Auchentoshan 11 year Bordeaux cask matured
Auchentoshan 12 year
Auchentoshan Three Wood
Glenkinchie 20 year
~
Islay — earthy pairing
Wild-mushroom bread pudding
Smoked almonds
-
Laphroaig 10 year
Laphroaig 18 year
Bowmore 12 year
Bowmore 15 year darkest
Bruichladdich The Laddie Ten
Bruichladdich Port Charlotte An Turas Mor
Lagavulin 12 year
Lagavulin 16 year
~
Islands — soft/mild cheese pairing
Gruyere
Gjetost
Water crackers
-
Talisker 10 year
Talisker 30 year
Jura 10 year
Jura 16 year
Jura Superstition
Jura Prophecy
~
Highlands — semi-sweet pairing
Pears w/ honey
Red grapes
Milk chocolate
-
Dalmore 15 year
Dalmore 18 year
Dalmore King Alexander
Ardmore Traditional Cask
Glen Garioch Founders Reserve
Glen Garioch 12 year
Balblair 1997 (12 year)
Macallen 12 year
Oban 14 year
~
Speyside / Sherried — sweet/dark chocolate pairing
Fresh figs w/ goat cheese & peppered honey
Dark chocolate
Sea-salt caramels
-
Glenrothes 1995 (15 year)
Glenrothes Editor’s Cask
The Balvenie 21 year portwood finish
Glenfiddich 15 year
Glenfiddich 18 year
The Balvenie 12 year doublewood
The Balvenie 17 year peated cask
Auchroisek 20 year
Craggenmore 12 year
Cragganmore 21 year
Glen Spey 21 year
Glenlivet 25 year
~

Did we survive the evening?? Stay tuned…